Thwip! Watch – Riverdale – S01E04 – The Last Picture Show

Thwip! Watch is all about what goes on our screens, namely TV. Whether CW or Fox or NBC or what-have-you, you can be sure that we here at Thwip! have been watching it. Today we are going to talk about Riverdale.

So you know the deal, time for me to live-commentate on whatever the heck is going on in the deep, dark town of Riverdale:

  1. Jughead drops the drama fast and hard with that opening narration
  2. “Twilight Drive-In”…? The producers of Riverdale seem to know exactly what they are going to go for
  3. So Betty DOES know about Grundy and Archie…?
  4. Damn Fred, calm down, don’t need a weird love triangle right now…okay now that I have said it out loud, that is most likely is what going to happen
  5. Grundy looks better in natural light
  6. And yup, it seems I called it…
  7. Hey? where are my burgers people?
  8. Finally seeing the gang at Pop’s
  9. Is the mayor’s name really “Mayor McQueen”? Holy shit that’s the Archie-est thing I have ever heard.
  10. Ah Cheryl, back to being a basic bitch
  11. AND THAT’S A BURN BY THE LODGE! Score one for Hermione
  12. Okay, Riverdale needs more eateries, ’cause this got mega-awkward…
  13. I still don’t get how/why is the immediate reaction that Archie slept with Grundy? Yes, he did, but seriously, why is that the first thing that people think of? I guess I still am too innocent
  14. Wow, did Veronica really find out that fast as well? The pacing over this Grundy revelation just hit Mach 6!
  15. Ah the bickering is kind of classic…and not as judgmental as I thought it would be
  16. Good lord, it’s that asshole Alice Cooper…and this time I mean the mom and not the musician (who I have no actual feelings about)
  17. On a side-note, “Geraldine” is a great song by the Japanese rock band Loudness
  18. SOUTH-SIDE SERPENT! Deep cut Little Archie reference
  19. This version of Jughead is growing on me, though he still needs more burger references
  20. I like how screwed up Archie is over the Grundy problem
  21. I kind of miss Ms. Grundy being an English teacher
  22. Oh shit, Jason’s name got dropped…this plot got deliciously thicker…
  23. Not subtle Betty
  24. They really do keep Cheryl’s color motif on point
  25. OUCH! Another deep cut burn on Cheryl
  26. Also, am so glad my high school was not this way
  27. That’s a weird kind of polite Hermione
  28. You know whenever someone says “when have I lied to you?” – you know that means all the lies are coming
  29. Jellybean exists!
  30. Grundy conspiracy! :O
  31. Hah! Old Grundy makes an appearance, good reference
  32. Ah stupid Archie, stupid, stupid Archie…classic!
  33. Also, the original threesome is back! Nice quick visual reference
  34. Wow, they are super together aren’t they? I thought it was just quickies at the school…
  35. Where does this end? Murder-suicide obviously…
  36. Wow, she is a honeypot trap isn’t she?
  37. Wow, Betty is going off the deep-end…it’s so weird when Veronica is the sane one
  38. Okay, Betty’s lock-picking skills scare the shit out of me
  39. Wow…this Grundy storyline is going completely batshit in an excellent way
  40. Those are kind of awkward questions to ask when having sex Betty – “Excuse me Ms. Grundy, where were you before this? Also, nice boobs…”
  41. It’s so weird to have Fred Andrews to have such a central role
  42. Mayoral conspiracies! Another classic Archie thing…the mayor in the comics was always the guy who knew everybody in a patronly way – or so corrupt that the hand of Hiram Lodge had to squish him
  43. Wonder what Hermione is going to do with the land…
  44. CONFRONTATION!
  45. It is kind of frightening that she just changed her name and was instantly hired as a teacher…what about her qualifications? Makes me feel over-qualified for whatever job I do
  46. I kind of like how Kevin’s dad is totally cool with his son’s gayness, it’s the most chill thing ever
  47. Wow…seriously Alice Cooper, you kind of a dick…sorry Hal for having such a shrew of a wife
  48. Listen to Betty Archie…you should always listen to her
  49. Smithers!
  50. This series needs more pot-bellies, at worst we have a paunch or two…
  51. HAHAHAHAHA! WHY DOES BETTY HAVE THE GUN????
  52. I don’t think that’s proper gun safety Alice…
  53. Candyman was a garbage movie…Tony Todd was awesome though, ’cause he is always awesome
  54. How is it adultery? I guess Hermione is still married to Hiram…?
  55. Wow, that was an impressive threat Veronica
  56. Also, what the fuck is up with Twizzlers/Red Vine?
  57. Oh damn, Mama Lodge, you been spied on!
  58. Poor Kevin – though that hot dog thing might be on the nose
  59. Nice gift Archie, pretty thoughtful and actually expensive…those Veronica dates are going to be even rough (when they actually happen)
  60. HOLY SHIT! ARCHIE STEPPED UP!
  61. That’s an awkward looking hug…
  62. And of course this is when Alice busts in…she should be a part of the SWAT team
  63. Yeah that Keller thing was kind of obvious
  64. Yeah it kind of is Alice, it’s always about hurting someone
  65. Betty finally confronts Alice…been waiting for that to happen, ’cause Alice is a pain in the ass
  66. A new twist arises in the Jason murder, I can’t believe how much it has been sustained
  67. Until we actually see Hiram Lodge, I still can’t accept him being “evil” (never could)
  68. So what’s worse than grounded?
  69. Apparently dad-hug…wait, that doesn’t make sense…ah well, that’s America
  70. The problem isn’t the secrets Alice, the problem is the bull-headedness
  71. CONFRONTATION! (Part 2)
  72. The pink is getting to me, Betty needs some better decor
  73. Best friends forever!
  74. Grundy is still a sex-pot…very obviously so…
  75. Nice photo of Juggie and Jellybean…
  76. HOLY SHIT HE WAS LIVING THERE????
  77. THAT’S HIS DAD???
  78. Amazing end scene twists…DAMN YOU RIVERDALE!

You know what? This is a fucking good show, way better than I expected and it keeps deliberately raising the bar in a very conscientious way, it’s the best kind of soap opera trash we got going on.

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