Thwip! Watch – Riverdale S01E09 – “Le Grande Illusion”

Thwip! Watch is all about what goes on our screens, namely TV. Whether CW or Fox or NBC or what-have-you, you can be sure that we here at Thwip! have been watching it. Today we are going to talk about Riverdale.

You know how it is, I go listing my thoughts and you go about ignoring me and not giving me any burgers…

  1. These recap moments are seriously intense, sets you up for the episode – which is always intense
  2. Also, I feel like I should make some pancakes, I have a bottle of maple syrup in the fridge
  3. I kind of like how because of the maple syrup Riverdale is “sickly sweet’
  4. Also, wow we are going full on with the Betty/Jughead romance
  5. Ah, so Alice Cooper is the reporter, not Polly
  6. “Fred and I” – proper grammar Hermione…
  7. Hermione’s problems seem so low-key compared to the rest of the things happening
  8. Also, Ronnie is right, tell Fred!
  9. Oh god, why does Cheryl talk that way? It is over-the-top, hilarious, and so cheesy…
  10. Also, how does Archie not know that it is maple-tapping season? He does live there since forever, doesn’t he?
  11. Ah, Cheryl, bringing in the lovely drama
  12. Wow Ethel, that is some darkness you bringing…
  13. Considering that Ethel isn’t tall and gawky, am glad that she isn’t being called “Big Ethel”, would seem to on the nose…
  14. Aww, they are being nice to Ethel…she never gets enough love
  15. Goddamn you Kevin Keller…you big gay poof…why aren’t you like the Kevin from the comics?
  16. Why are parents just randomly appearing at the school? I am sure they aren’t allowed to do that…
  17. Holy crap, forgot Mrs. Blossom has a small thing for Archie
  18. …but in a creepy incestuous way…
  19. So the Valerie/Archie thing is official, don’t know why that never stuck into my mind
  20. The Archie/Valerie romance was a really good storyline, kind of wish they went full pedal to the metal with it…but they did a good job with what they had
  21. Ah, the gang feels almost right
  22. Such gorgeous reds, really loving the color
  23. Good Archie being the good guy moment
  24. Pushing a little hard Ronnie, let her enjoy the company, if not the food
  25. Oh no, what fresh drama have you uncovered with the Muggs, Hermione!
  26. Dang, that was cold Polly
  27. Hiram’s grip is slowly being revealed…love it! I hope we see him in the second season (but not this season, we have too much already on our plates).
  28. Archie bringing his good boy smackdown!
  29. Hermione is telling the truth! Holy crap!
  30. Fred Andrews’s anger is hilariously low-key
  31. Oh man, what fresh hell is Archie spiralling into?
  32. Billionaire buying Archie a suit…shades of old school Hiram Lodge
  33. Damn, I want to eat some pie…or a burger…nah, today is a pie-type of day
  34. Alice Cooper is still way too intense for me, I would definitely run away if she started talking to me
  35. Abandoning Polly? Oh wait, you have been trying to do that since episode one…
  36. Holy shit, twins?
  37. Dang Jughead, bit over-the-top, wasn’t it?
  38. I love how Cheryl can change her attitude at the drop of a coin.
  39. Oh Ronnie is giving away her stuff…classic!
  40. That hat is so 1950s, wonder if that is on purpose? (obviously, it is)
  41. Awww, Ethel being a sweetheart and not a Jughead-chaser, I like it…non-boy chasing Ethel is the best
  42. HOLY SHIT! Now that’s a bribe! Not a gift…
  43. Wow, that’s a lot of judgey looks…and they are right
  44. Archie, don’t keep it! Trust the Fred and the Jug
  45. What’s up with the 1990s 386 computer?
  46. Just a reminder that Papa Cooper was the guy who was almost eaten by a vampire in the opening scenes of Blade
  47. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Alice Cooper is the best
  48. Is it appropriate to talk to an adult when you have no pants on?
  49. To be fair, Archie does not have proper boundaries with adults it seems (re: Grundy)
  50. Clifford Blossom feels like he should be a member of the Legion of Doom
  51. I am genuinely feeling sorry for Betty…this is way too much for our girl, SAVE THE GIRL JUGHEAD!
  52. Except for the lack of burger eating, this Jughead is a good representation of the one from comics (both old and new).
  53. Valerie is right, the Blossoms are buying you Archie…you naive twit
  54. YOU TWO HAVE BEEN BARELY DATING! Come on Valerie!
  55. Huh, that suicide came out of nowhere
  56. Also, we are still investigating Jason’s death right? I feel like that that’s a mystery that needs to be answered…
  57. Oh god, pearls falling…Batman trauma memories abound
  58. Cheryl is such a gothic horror monster
  59. HOW DO YOU FAIL AT A TREE TAPPING?
  60. Run, Archie, run
  61. Am surprised that the Blossoms don’t know about Archie and Grundy
  62. Also, told you Archie, you should have run…
  63. They are dancing to no music
  64. Whew, Polly’s investigative skills are back! She will be our newspaper princess soon enough!
  65. White lillies, really ominous…oh wait, he is dead, so tres appropriate
  66. Don’t do it Ronnie!
  67. HOW DOES ETHEL NOT KNOW THAT RONNIE IS a LODGE?
  68. Yup, this confrontation was a bit too forced, not as good as some of the other ones that we have seen in this series.
  69. It’s still so weird to see Ronnie in such a sympathetic light…usually they kind of do it in a roundabout way in the comics
  70. Jason looked like an albino stallion
  71. Don’t do it Archie!
  72. (I feel like am saying that a lot in this episode)
  73. That is lipstick smudge city right there…
  74. Also, Valerie called it, you should have listened to her – Valerie is always right
  75. Dang, Archie is really falling into the thick of it
  76. As it should be, no matter what, it’s going to be about Archie
  77. Wait, Mr. Muggs isn’t dead? Then those lillies are way not appropriate…pretty as hell though
  78. Is that actually a suit? It looks like to be only a blazer…
  79. Archie does the right thing…he walks away (a bit late, but whatever, that seems to be the norm for him)
  80. Oh man, crying parent, major awkwardness for the boyfriend
  81. Sorry Alice, you aren’t garnering any sympathy – you a psychopath…
  82. Jughead is awesome though, brutal in his own way
  83. Valerie is and has always been a stone-cold hardass…love it!
  84. Fred Andrews is playing hardball! GO FRED!
  85. Archie is really in the thick of it…though he does not seem too torn up about losing Valerie, such fickle high-schoolers…)
  86. ARE WE GETTING A CHRISTMAS EPISODE? PLEASE SAY YES! (I know that this series is basically ending summertime, so that would be weird, but whatever)
  87. Ah Cheryl, the other psychopath…Jughead’s narration may have been too on point for this episode…
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